Flu My Ass…

March 19, 2009

James Mirtle posted a good chart that shows total man-games lost by team over the last 4 years.  Check out who’s team has the 2nd-fewest man-games lost to injury.  Ok, before you dopes fans start emailing me for help, its The Generalissimo’s team – the Oil Rangers!

This is no accident.  The Generalissimo don’t care for sissies.  The Generalissimo only likes guys who play through pain.  Guys who will lose a tooth, stick a piece of gum in the hole, and back out there for his next shift.  The Generalissimo was this way too.  Go ahead and check out my coaching record – good luck finding a game I missed!!

It should be obvious why The Generalissimo wants guys who are not prone to injury on his team.  Not ‘because its good for team chemistry, or for lineup stability…blah blah blah.  Bottom line – the less guys get injured, the less time The Generalissimo wastes at work.  Do you have any idea how much time it takes to call up a player from…wherever our minor league team is?  The Generalissimo’s got a busy fishing schedule, people.

So before The Generalissimo signs any player – he takes him outside, and slaps him around a little, Generalissimo’s-Rules-style.   If he cries, whimpers, or bruises – go play for the Devils, kid.

Think about it.  You ever seen Wade Redden get hurt?  He might play with the strength of a 9-yr-old girl, but that’s by design.  He’s earning that $6.5 million contract people, trust me.

Now I gotta go make a few phone calls…I hear the President’s looking for someone who knows how to spend lots of money quickly.


If anyone knows how to give NYR money away, its The Generalissimo

March 16, 2009

Most of the fools fans of the NY Rangers are probably incapable of understanding what this story means.  But if this blog is good for one thing, its a way for The Generalissimo to educate people on his brilliance.

The background is simple.  The NHL and the Rangers are usually veerrry good friends, mostly because Gary Bettmansy and I like are close golfing buddies.  [I tell ya, the Commish can polish off my balls like no one else, sorry Barnsy].  But once in a while Jimmy D gets his daddy’s panties in a bunch, and things get messy.  Luckily, when they do, The Generalissimo steps in, rolls up his sleeves, and gets to negotiating the problems away.

This case is a perfect example.  These quotes give you a little taste of how bad things had gotten for the NYR.

Representatives from MSG first approached the NHL’s executive committee about a settlement in December during a board of governors gathering at The Breakers in Palm Beach, Fla. Initially, MSG wanted the league to pay its legal fees, but executive committee members said that was not negotiable, sources familiar with the discussion said.

Ooooh…scary.  Not negotiable?  The only thing that is not negotiable to The Generalissimo is how many vacation days he gets.

The two parties worked around that issue, and by the all-star break in Montreal in late January, it became clear to several board of governors how much headway had been made when MSG executives Scott O’Neil and Glen Sather remained in a board meeting while NHL executives offered an update on the lawsuit.

BAM.  Me and O’Neilsy getting it done.

Sources familiar with the pending settlement say that it will see MSG cover all of the league’s legal fees, which are more than $15 million. Additionally, MSG will receive a seat on the NHL’s digital committee…

POW! Deal done.

Another brilliant negotiation by The Generalissimo.

Holy Contract Problem Batman!

March 15, 2009

Took a few minutes out of The Generalissimo’s day to check out what the losers reporters are saying these days about The Generalissimo’s team. Jay Greenberg highlights a serious problem for The Generalissimo here.  Apparently, Wade Redden has five years and 13 games left on his $39 million contract.  Considering the way he’s been playing this year, that’s a problem for The Generalissimo.

But The Generalissimo hears the calls of the Rangers blabosphere.  When The Generalissimo sees a mistake, he doesn’t sit around and wait for it to resolve itself – he leaps into action.

That is why I am happy to announce that I’ve reached out to Reddsy, and offered him a 3 year extension on his contract.  The Generalissimo is not willing to risk losing the best first passer in the game for nothing in 2014.

Pocksy and Me.

March 14, 2009

In case you haven’t heard, I put up a million bucks to bail out Peter Pocklington. I had to even pledge one of my 45 vacation homes, but it was just in Minnesota. I mean, seriously, who goes to Minnesota willingly?

Lots of people will probably suggest I’m wasting my money or just helping out an old friend who’s down on his luck. But I know Pocksy, and I’m sure he’s innocent of the charges brought against him: two counts of bankruptcy fraud, allegedly filing of false bankruptcy declarations, and making false oaths and accounts in a bankruptcy proceeding. Who could possibly think Pocksy would be a slimy crook?

Would a slimy crook repeatedly mislead the public regarding his shopping of Gretz to the highest bidder?

Would a slimy crook have a provincial government still trying to recoup $12 million in loans over a decade later?

Would a slimy crook have his dad’s name improperly engraved on the Stanley Cup?

Yeah, The Generalissimo didn’t think so either.

But the bottom line is that The Generalissimo doesn’t throw money around willy-nilly (unless its Jimmy D’s!). And The Generalissimo sure as h-e-double-hockey-sticks doesn’t part with a vacation home for no reason.

Crazy day

March 4, 2009

Bust deadline day as usual for The Generalissimo. Been twittering like mad.  I gotta speak to some reporter name Zippy or something in a few…first question is going to be “Zippy?  Did you get beat up a lot as a child?”  More later.

Thievin’ Aint Easy…

March 2, 2009

Trade deadline week is always a busy one for The Generalissimo. Early March, after all, is prime salmon fishing season. But when I find some spare time, I do like to do a little hockey player trading. And no one does the trade deadline like The Generalissimo. Heck I don’t know why they don’t call it “Lets Make a Sather” day, cause the history of the trade deadline is littered with The Generalissimo’s gems.

  • 2008 – Picked up Christian Backman from St. Louis for a 4th-round pick. Backman was exactly what the NYR needed – a depth defensemen who had no impact on the team. Didn’t score a point in 8 playoff games, but I bet he was good on the bench. Backman was the key piece of the trade that brought Zherdev and Fristche here. [I’m tell you – watch out for Fritsche. He’s due to break out. Gotta talk to Torts-y about getting him some playing time with Vorsy].
  • 2006 – Picked up offensive juggernaut Sandis Ozolinsh for a 3rd-round pick in the 2006 Entry Draft. That pick was previously acquired from SJ – you see that? The Generalissimo is so good he can trade other teams’ picks! Offensive juggernaut Ozolinsh scored 3 goals in the final 19 games, and was a force on defense (including for the other teams!). How awesome was that 2-1 he caused when he misplayed the puck 68 seconds in Game 3 of the Devils series! Or the two shorthanded goals he was involved with in Game 2, including poking the puck into his own net? That is what you call an “impact player” my friends. Ozolinsh was such a force in the playoffs, that Renney-ey felt bad for the Devils and sat him for Game 4. Not to mention all the good times we shared over a drink!
  • 2004 – Technically a few days before the deadline, but got rid of over-the-hill defensemen Brian Leetch to Toronto for Maxim Kondratiev, Jarkko Immonen, a first-round pick in the 2004 draft, which became Lauri Korpikoski, and a second-round pick in 2005, which became Michael Sauer. Leetch would have added nothing to the NYR’s power play coming out of the lockout.
  • 2004 – Snagged Karel Rachunek and Alexandre Giroux from Ottawa for Greg de Vries. de Vries has to go when I told him he spelled his name wrong, and he refused to fix it. Listen if you want to play for The Generalissimo, the D is capitalized, pal.
  • 2004 – Traded Martin Rucinsky to Vancouver for R.J. Umberger and Martin Grenier. Umberger was a great pick up by The Generalissimo – he’s put up decent numbers ever since cracking into the league.
  • 2003 – Picked up Anson Carter and Ales Pisa RW Radek Dvorak and Cory Cross. Have to admit, The Generalissimo got scammed on this one. I thought I was getting Anson Williams.
  • 2002 – Picked up 60-goal scorer Pavel Bure and Florida’s 2nd round pick in the 2002 draft [turned out to be Lee Falardeau] for Igor Ulanov, Filip Novak and the Rangers’ 1st and 2nd round choices in the draft and a 4th round choice in the 2003 draft. Good thing I gave up that 1st round pick, cause picking 9th I would have had to choose from a weak pool of non-NHL caliber players like Alexander Semin [hee hee], Chris Higgins, or Cam Ward. Bure electrified the Garden for all of 51 games, and he attracted media attention just because of his number choice!
  • 2002 – Grabbed Tom Poti and Rem Murray in return for Mike York and the Rangers’ 4th-round pick in the 2002 Entry Draft. Poti had been the object of fan wrath in Edmonton, as he was seen as a soft defensemen who was easily pushed around. Ranger fans, on the other hand, would come to love him, chanting his name on a nightly basis.

I should probably stop there. What happened back in Edmonton seems like a lifetime ago. But The Generalissimo’s legend as a Trade Deadline Master goes waaay back.

  • 1997 – Sent Miroslav Satan to Buffalo for Barrie Moore and Craig Millar.
  • 1996 – Sent Kirk Maltby to Detroit for Dan McGillis.
  • 1988 – Sent Moe Lemay to Boston for Alan May. This one sticks out in my mind because “Lemay” is french for “The May”.
  • 1983 – Sent Laurie Boschman to Winnipeg for Willy Lindstrom. There’s no room on The Generalissimo’s teams for guys with girls names. I’m looking at you Korpikoski.

What trick does The Generalissimo have up his sleeve this year? You’ll just have to wait and see. But The Generalissimo has ample room to work with under the cap, so his options are wide open! And as far as I know, Martin Rucinsky is still playing, right?

I’m a twit

February 27, 2009

The Generalissimo is old school.  The Generalissimo likes wine coolers, classic rock,  and girls who are au naturale. But The Generalissimo is open to new things, like all the cool new internet tubes.  That’s right – The Generalissimo is twittering now!

And just in time too – I could use something to get my mind off all the  hullabaloo at my “day job”.  I actually had to go to the office twice this week.